Friday, January 3, 2014

Broken Boundaries and Big Girl Apologies

Bennie brushing up on his concepts of feminism by reading Gloria Steinem.

Speaking of feminism, according to my demographics of Analytics, mostly men read my blog.  And younger men from 25-39. Next followed by younger women 25-39, then women over 65.   Go figure.

OK, let's talk boundaries.  Boy, were there a thousand boundaries compromised the-night-everything-went-weird.  I have to pull up my big girl panties and make an apology to someone I don't know.  This is that dude I constantly keep running into and we nod and say hello, but nothing ever happens because I always got to be chilly too-cool-for-school (which is really just a cover for being shy).  Oh, and chicken.  I'm a chicken-shit.

This makes no sense, I realize, but this mystery-man who's book'ish, works out at my gym, reminds me of myself.  The hipster glasses, the bemused expressions, his sometimes odd fashion choices, the books he always bring to the bar, his mini netbook like mine, and his, well, his perception (more on this in a minute). 

When the Universe threw a curve ball in my court last week, I was associating with someone who got rather obnoxiously intoxicated at my favorite pub and acted silly to mystery-man; it threw me in a position where now I HAVE to talk to this hipster mystery-man.  As in I have NO CHOICE.

What I have to do is apologize for my friend getting smashed and being loud and braying at him.  No, you don't need the specifics.  Just that it was embarrassing, way over the level of your mom showing your first boyfriend that awkward family photo of you looking all zitty wearing a moo-moo, braces, and crooked glasses.

Now let's go back to perception.  I like really perceptive people, and this guy, I can tell is one of them.  When my friend was drunkenly doing his best impersonation of a dancing-braying donkey while I cringed and desperately looked for a way to hide under the bar stool, I saw a million perceptive thoughts flicker behind the hipster's glasses:

"Did you know this donkey braying bit isn't remotely funny?"
"Your friend cannot hold his liquor."
"That's really kind of douchey."
"You seemed cool all the times I've seen you since last summer, but maybe you're douchey by association.  If so, how disappointing.  Good bye," as he walked away. 

So you're thinking, why should I care?  Because even if we never become friends (due to the Universe calling the shots, of course), I would still like for him to think of me as "that cool chick always reading a good book with the cool netbook like mine."  NOT, "that chick I thought was cool, but then her friend put on a donkey hat and did a barnyard-fornicator jig around the bar, so she must be douchey, too."

So imagine my inner-cringing, my utter crippling-embarrassment, as I stumble toward him sometime in the near future, sweaty-palmed and say, "Hey, I'm sorry that the last time I saw you, my friend, blah, blah, blah.  I'm sorry," my face turning nine shades of red.

He may just feign a nod and say, "don't worry about it," then go back to his book, dismissing me like a foolish student trying to hand in a late paper.  Or he may say, "That's OK.  It's no big deal," and smile.

But I gotta ride it out a few weeks to even GO there, maybe even a month or two.  I have to get up my courage first . . .

 Sigh--this isn't my ideal way of first introducing myself.  Double sigh.  Wish me luck.


DSM5 said...

*facepalm* Only you, Nat. Only you would have this problem. If you need, I can offer to get you some dark glasses, a couple of wigs, and a bevy of scooby doo-type disguises to suss out the situation. I won't actually do it, but I will offer.

In the mean time, let's mix some metaphors. Don't wait months depriving yourself of your favorite watering hole. Grow a pair to put in your big girl panties (eesh, that's a mental image) and just walk up to him and say sorry my friend was being such an ass.

Do it as soon as you can. It's better to rip off that band-aid right away. The last thing you want is an OLD ass band-aid dangling in all of your future hypothetical imagined conversations with him, now is it?

nate said...

LOL. In a way, the whole situation is sort of a blessing. I've been fantasizing about Hipster for how long? At least 8 months. This forces my hand. I HAVE to talk to him now. He probably won't become my "bro" but at least he'll know my name.

That's why I asked you what was going on astrologically in my sign on the 27th.

DSM5 said...

Well, on the night in question, we had a cardinal grand cross involving the Sun and Mercury in Capricorn, Uranus in Ares, Jupiter in Cancer, and Mars in Libra. The moon was also square Venus. I would not have wanted to introduce myself to a prospective love interest on that night.

The cardinal grand cross tends to trip people up in their goals. The planets involved would just lead to putting the wrong foot forward. The Moon and Venus square would lead to poor relationship boundaries.

The grand cross is only going to get worse for now. I think I will hide under my bed for the next week. If you want to approach the hottie under pleasant aspects, it's going to be another month before the planets calm. Even then, you are going to need to keep your feet firmly planted and be in your center. Otherwise you are going to trip yourself up. Especially since the Moon and Venus are travelling square for awhile. Be sure you know what you want going in and be clear on what you are willing to give.

But in the mean time, duck and cover.