Monday, September 6, 2010

Buh-Bye 24-7 Program

Saturday night, I had the party I've been waiting 18 months to throw.

The 24-7 Program has re-located OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD!

If you recall, it was hell being here, but now they're gone (buh-bye career drunks and druggies, buy-by all that traffic). The turn out for the celebratory party wasn't as good as I expected with 6 people not RSVP'ing, but Jen, Rob, Paula and I had a good time anyway.

The news team stopped by with a camera, and I wished more people had shown up, but all was well. I didn't bother to watch myself on TV last night. I look like shit on TV anyway.

But the 24-7 Program is gone. Thank GOD!

Here's what I've learned:

1. Most people are lazy though good-intentioned and while they might volunteer to help you with your community project, expect to have most of the burden fall upon your shoulders.

2. I will NEVER again take for granted how lovely it is to have a quiet neighborhood.

3. I will NEVER again take for granted how lovely it is to hear the crickets, wind blow through the trees, or simply the sound of nothing.

4. Nothing works better for your enemy to see you mean BUSINESS than the threat of a good old fashioned, American lawsuit. Hate to say it, and I wish people did the right thing simply because it's the right thing, but they don't. Many people ONLY do the right thing when you threaten them with a lawsuit. But you can only play that card last. You must go through all other options first to give the enemy the benefit of the doubt.

5. A lot of people don't want to get involved not because they're "busy" as they tell you but because they're embarrassed by their ignorance when it comes to community/state/federal laws, civil disobedience and an overall fear of "big brother."

I'm going outside now in my P.J's to have a weekend cup of joe and enjoy the quiet. You don't know what you have, until you've lost it. So drop what you're doing and go sit outside and sit a spell. Trust me. It's easy to take that for granted until it's gone.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Red Flags: How to Recognize NPD

Ahhhh, while cleaning out my inbox (some 2,000 messages) I found this one from The Thing, also known as "He Who Shall Not Be Named," or "The Flaw."

I read two good books which have given me an understanding of him, and the nasty road he took me down. Narcissistic Lovers: How to Recognize Them and Move On and How to Recognize a Dangerous Man Before You Get in Too Deep.

Probably the most dangerous pitfall anyone can get into with someone who's a emotional vampire/or has NPD, is letting them make you go too fast.

Having said that, read his old email.
Natalie Jane
(he did this in 18 font in some old weird script)
There it is, my love. I will have this as the center piece inked into my arm. With that in mind, reference your other email, I will not throw in the towel on this relationship. I will give you and us all I have, all that we deserve. I intend for Natalie and Scott last forever.

Natalie Jane, I am content with you, and content is not something I've been - ever. You are everything I've ever wanted in a woman, best friend, and partner. I will make you happy and treat you the very best that I can. I do love you very much.

Did I mention I was looking at diamonds while I was out this weekend?

I'd really like to get "our place" somewhere in your neck of the woods someday soon. I may not be there much of the time, but it will be ours. I love the idea of having a home to go to with a beautiful woman already there waiting for me.

Thank you for the gift box. It was so you and that's what I love most about it. I have the card displayed next to the other one you sent me. The perfume on it permeates the air when I sit near by and I yearn for you.

I love you, Natalie Jane.

Red flag number 1: he wrote this after only one date when he flew out here to meet me.
2. who falls in love with someone after one meeting?

Care to identify any other red flags? As well as the unintentional comedy of this?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Summer Dork Shake Down

It's almost the end of summer. Having said that, it's time to re-cap my dates over the summer, and give you a complete list of jackassery. This summer there was a grand total of 4 dates. And here they are! Enjoy!

Spitter, Speed-Date Fiasco, Bad Breath and Secret Gay Guy.

Spitter was a fix-up from my ex boyfriend's ex girlfriend. Yes, a bad idea to have your ex's ex-girlfriend set you up. I was suspicious from the get-go, so I brought a gal-pal with me. As soon as he walked over to our table, I knew it was a no-go: 1980's glasses, and alarming gray-haired mullet that turned plenty of heads as he approached us. But the worst was yet to come. He must have had a grand cache of spittle, for as he was talking, a spot of spittle shot out of his mouth like a rocket and landed on my cheek, then two sentences later another one whizzed through the air and hit my other cheek. What do I do, I thought. If I wipe it off, he'll know he spat, and I didn't want to embarrass him. If I leave it on my cheek, I might retch. I waited a few seconds then sort of brushed my cheeks with the back of my hand making it look like I had an itch when he did it yet again. This time the spit landed on a nacho, just as I was about to put it in my mouth, then again and again. This happened no less than a dozen times. I declined eating any more of our mutually-shared nachos. No more than 15 minutes into the date, Spitter stops talking to me, talks only to my gal-pal then asks her for her number under the excuse that "maybe we could all share our numbers and go out sometime." Whatever. A guy who hits on your friend and gets her number as he's showering you with spit when he's supposed to be meeting you, pretty much says it all.

Speed Dating Fiasco--
Remember that post earlier this summer? Did I mention I occasionally see the one "date" I had walking to the jail next to my house every day? Apparently, he neglected to tell me that he must check in with his parol officer each day. What a catch!

Bad Breath--
Bad breath was also a set-up. Like Spitter, you can gather why. Firstly, I had my reservations all along, for he's considerably older than me, and I'm not sure how I feel about dating men two years younger than my mom. And it's extremely difficult to be a good listener when waves of toxic fumes are blasting your nose and eyes. Hello, Altoid? I had to breath out of my mouth the whole time which made talking rather difficult. The frightening thing was that he was sitting about four feet away. If his breath was that bad at such a distance, what would it smell like under your nose?

Secret Gay Guy--
You know, back in the day, like 30 years ago in the 1980's, it was pretty common to be closeted about your gayness. Not so much now. Except for Secret Gay Guy. I met him online, and after a few emails, he called me. Despite the super feminine slightly British voice (think Nicole Kidman on estrogen), I guess the clincher for me was that for no reason whatsoever he had to tell me three times that he was NOT gay. Yet, I had not asked him if he WAS gay. What's that old Shakespeare quote, "You doth protest too much." ?? WTF??

So that's my summary of summer dating. Don't worry, I'm praying for us all.