Sunday, February 19, 2012

Falsifiers: Guys Who Say They Miss You When They Don't

OK, whatever "heart" I had in me is going back to its protective Agnes Moorhead stance.

This guy, I'd dated back last summer and had started to get serious with, I just saw, happy as a lark on POF, with new pictures.

I THOUGHT, he'd missed me, missed what we had, since I'd gotten these heart felt voicemails, Valentine, etc.

As Jen said, "In HIS mind, you were taking too long to forgive him. Men don't wait around."

Aren't there any men with integrity who want a lasting committment out there anymore? He put on his site, "Just dating, not wanting anything serious."

I guess I don't get it. I tried calling but, you guessed it, it went to voicemail as usual. Because as usual, he was talking on the other line.

I guess I was a sucker to think he wanted my friendship. I tried writing him and asking some real questions like, "What did you want from me back then?" I can understand that more and possibly come to be friends, if I can get an answer to that.

These days a cup of real honesty is all that I want.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Post Valentine's Day Blues

Well, Valentine's Day was the usual: spent alone with just little Bennie. BUT, I had lobster, wine, and caramels. Yay me! Yay, "Singles Awareness Day!" the acronym S.A.D. Rather befitting.

But I did hear from I. Man. Apparently he's willing to be NON-invisible. However, it's weird when I remember that I used to "like him" like him, if you know what I mean. Potential-mates can be rolled over into the "friends only bin," but it's still strange because the dynamic changes. Yet the other person can be oblivious to this.

Know what I mean?

If you roll someone over into the "friends only bin" the following things change:

1. You do not have to always answer your phone if he/she calls. Only answer the phone if you have nothing better to do. When it's a potential-mate, you leave your life fairly open for them, but if it's a friend-only, its always up to YOU if you want to talk to them.

2. When you DO talk to them, don't chat too long. Potential-mates need to take up room in your head and heart, but not "friends only." Why? It sabotages room for Mr./Ms. Right to come along. Don't let a "friend-only" take up too much room.
When you "like someone" like someone, you're always there when they call (without seeming "too available"). Your door is usually open to them. You almost always want to see them. But once they're in the "fiends bin only," things change.

The lame part is that ex's or would be mates whom you've regulated to the "friends only" bin, don't always know this.

I had this happen to me recently, and the ex was surprised that I hadn't made room for him in an activity, but I was surprised that he was surprised.

Go, sigh, figure

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Growing Up and Growing Older

Me and the B, watching some TV. PBS, that is!

Well, what's new? Denver got boatloads of gorgeous, fluffy snow, Denver being just a few hours away, and we got nil. Zippo. In fact, I'm typing this to the sound of either Mourning Doves or an owl outside. Very springlike and strange, so much for cross country skiing this weekend.

Guess who called yesterday?

Ivisible Man. I didn't take the call. He left a voice mail, saying he hoped I was well and hinted at it would be nice to go to the Firehouse Theatre with me to see Jen's show which opened last night. I was too busy to answer, even though I wasn't really doing anything, and well, I guess I turned a corner in my evolution as a woman. And I'm so proud of myself how I got over him so fast, meaning, 3 months. That's pretty good. It took me 3 years to get over Cactus Man. It's not that I don't want to talk to IM, but when you regulate someone to the "Friends Only" bin, (especially after they've been intolerable) something changes when it's YOU who have made the changes in your life. I don't know what it is but when I do this, I feel more independant, confident, happy, trusting with my heart. It makes me wonder if I'm meant to ride the journey of life alone, with only a few buds along the way. Hmmmm.

Oh, and The Bigot is out of my life for good. I see I can't even find The Bigot on my Facebook, which meant, she not only deleted me as a friend but blocked me.

Ooooooh, the BIG, scary "Liberal" people like I am (in western SD, "liberal" means communist). It's best to block them. Liberals like me are dangerous. They believe in unfathomly crazy things like equal rights for all people, good affordable health care for all, good education for children and social security for old people, and keeping jobs in the U.S. rather than tax breaks for corporations to outsource them to third world sweatshops.

Dr. McReynold's has a cool sign on his door that says, "Taxes are the price we pay for living in a civilized society--Oliver Wendell Holmes." Pretty cool, I think.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Bigots, Buffoons and other Toiletries

I was taught tolerance. I grew up on the Illinois/Iowa border. And to my knowledge, everyone around me was taught this in the farming community that I grew up in.

I was taught that everyone has an opionion, and you must be accepting of this.
I am also an educator. So arguing one's opinion in a diplomatic way, unemotionally, with intelligence and reasoning and MLA cited sources is what I teach.

But, I just found out one of my EX friends is a BIGOT. Sure, I've heard of bigots before, but I never had one who was a closeted one who was a close friend. Note, I say WAS.

It all started with a simple post on Facebook about a SD ruling to put a class about Christianity in the public schools. I, for one, happen to agree with the concept of "separation of church and state," certainly not a NEW concept as coined by Thomas Jefferson, and goes back to ancient Greece. Of course, I forget that only 30% of the general public is educated, so I should have known. And in western SD, it feels like that percentage is more like 5%.

So I posted this, and a few like-minded people chimed in.

Then I get this text from this ex "friend" who never is on Facebook, never comments on anyone's site. She shoots me a series of ghastly accusative texts calling me a "christian hater," and it's "liberals" like me that one day have to "stand before the face of god" for all the sins that us "liberals" condone like "abortion, which we have to pay for on the tax dollar because of you."

WHAT??!! you're probably thinking, right?

Wow. I didn't know abortions were free. This unwarrented diatribe came from the mouth of someone who says "Cain't" and "Supposably." Poorly educated.

Once I deleted her out of my phone/Facebook/life, I realized she'd dropped hints that she was a bigot for a long time. I, being a nice midwesterner, just chose to ignore them.

I now recall her having said some unsavory things about gays. And one time, she said I really couldn't understand LOVE because I'd never been married and only married people can understand love. Which was odd since I lived with someone for 10 years. I think I know a little.

So because of all this, I've re-thought how I was taught. Originally, I was taught to not talk money, religion or politics. But now I will. Not a lot, but just a little to find out if the person is tolerant.

Because I've had it with intolerance. This person was just running over with it.

Intolerance is the root to many societal problems and has been for a very long time. Racism, you name it.

If you have a bigot in your life, no matter how nice they are, get rid of them. They're just bad news all around.