Saturday, November 7, 2009

Martymachlia and Breaking Up

I read a good blog today on "Breaking up," from a chick called "Mommason." It talked about how do you KNOW when it's time to move on from a relationship.

Well, when you can't take the BAD behavior anymore, when it starts outweighing the good, that's when you move on. Sigh.

The worst part about a break up, besides being so alone, is missing the stuff you had that might have been the best you'll ever have again. Maybe it's spiritual comfort, or a laugh, compassion. Or maybe it was all about good sex. No wait. Not just "good sex." I mean mind-blowing, ground-shaking sex, the kind where you wonder if s/he's truly ruined you for other men/women. My ex used to joke he'd do that to me. I feel sometimes like he wasn't kidding.

By far, the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do was leave this guy whom I was not only in love with, but truly a soul mate. Not only that, but a fellow who dabbed in "Martymachlia," a fun condition also known as "adventure sex."

Ah, to be in love and have a person really, REALLY know you and your sexuality, someone who makes you feel so UNINHIBITED you'd try anything. Then to lose that and fall back into the mainstream is . . . . sigh. It's like the metaphor I recently told a friend, "It's like going from Cicilian, fresh herbed pizza dripping in oozy mozzerella to a dried old Tombstone in the back of your fridge."

BUT this is inhibited America, where we're not supposed to talk about things like sex. It's not nice. It's not being spiritually-elevated. It's being crass, vulgar, animalistic. It's not aimed towards preserving "Family Values," and all that hogwash.

But I will ALWAYS miss him. I miss the crazy, risky adventure sex, each time standing out in my mind like a scene from a movie. But maybe we were the deviants. Maybe we're in the lowest percentile of uninhibited America.

What are other people like? Do they have once-a-month missionary sex in the dark with the sheets pulled up? Do they REALLY enjoy themselves or would they secretely rather have a bowl of chocolate ice-cream and forego the sex altogether? As closed-lip of a society we are, at least in my humble opinion, I tend to think this is so.

But I'll bravely march on, try to keep my head up, and HOPE I can find a man who at least (when it comes to sex) can stand up to the plate of my ex, but that'll be a tough act to follow.


Theresa said...

First off, sex is a spiritual experience as well not just a physical one. If it were just physical, a vibrator or a sub-par guy would be all we need. So I think you're confusing that with "religion" vs. "spirituality". "Religion" is Family Values horsehit, which basically means you have to live your life according to some paint-by-numbers philosophy that frankly only a few can stomach.

I highly encourage you to read The Color Purple and there the difference is laid out better than I could EVER explain it. I also recommend it as a book for you to read during this time of healing.

At any rate, you are DEAD ON with the pizza metaphor. At least you can have some comfort (however small) that you did ALL YOU COULD, all in your power to make it work, to make it happen--but if the other person can't take the plunge with you, it's that out of control feeling that is hard to bear--knowing there is NOTHING we can do to make it happen.

I would say the majority of couples start out with mind blowing sex that fades within a few years to the once per month sex, as kids come along, couples bicker over household chores and many other people get involved in the relationship--ie, inlaws, kids, friends, meeting new and thus initially more exciting people. It's nearly impossible to sustain that level of excitement for a lifetime. The relationship morphes into a deep companionship with less sex but perhaps even more love, as I know my one set of grandparents at 90 were deeply in love but probably not much was going on in the sack.

Funenthusiast said...

Not that I really know anything pertaining English. But would the whole pizza thing be a metaphor or analogy, or would it even be both?

Sex huh? Seems to always go back to that doesn't it? Not to brag or anything, but my manhood is so damn incredibly hard and perfectly curved, that NASA has been known to use it for calibrating equipment they send into space! Yeah I know, Crazy huh?

Sorry Nat! You know me, always looking for an opening. Can't help it, I'm weak!

It's OK Nat, you can delete anything I respond to. I'd never take it personally. You're so funny! You cynical little critter!

nate said...

I gotta admit. Looking at this picture, almost two years later, if anything, Cactus was gorgeous. A big, hot, steaming fucked up mess, but gorgeous. No wonder this blog entry gets so many hits.