Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Fighting/Moving Through the Mess



Like the title implies, breaking up is hard to do. And long, too. There's so much going back and forth and stretching out of some things. He's out of your life, disappeared. Then he's back in, but there's a new dude maybe on the sidelines, then you are not sure what happens next, you move on, keep two on the wire, maybe three. Who do you keep? Who do you get rid of? Or do you get rid of them all, or keep them all?

It's a long, difficult process, this journey through relationships. Then there's those couples who like to fight, break up, to get back together again. Reference the Adam and Eve characters from Northern Exposure.

My favorite early episode of them together, Fleishman gets kidnapped by Adam to visit his hypochondriac wife, Eve. During this shackled forced visit, Fleishman concludes that Eve is NOT sick, that the worst of their problems are that Adam and Eve as a couple are a complete "Disaster," "Trainwreck," and to paraphrase Fleishman, "You go one way, and you go the other and never see each other again."

But what happens? Do they take Fleishman's advice, divorce each other, one running to the utmost region of Alaska while the other winds up in Tibet? No. They wind up back together again! Co-dependant Enabler paired with Passive-Aggressive man, or just strange union of souls, star-crossed lovers?

Maybe some couples need friction, challenges and drama. Maybe they're like two colliding bulls in the meadow, charging each other to be happy, or to continually challenge each other's dominance? Which is it? Does ONE have to be the "goes along with everything" type while the other is the leader? What if you're already a leader like me? I DO NOT want a man who lets me take charge all the time, but neither do I want a man continually butting me with his horns.

In MY world, drama does not equate pain, abuse, fighting or struggles over dominance. Drama can be OK so long as one doesn't taunt the other in an abusive way designed to harm the other.

It's all so confusing!

2 comments:

Theresa said...

"Does ONE have to be the "goes along with everything" type while the other is the leader?"

Yup, this is the way most relationships are. The one most in love is the one who goes along w/ everything.

As a friend recently told me: You have 3 men which means you have none. Very true. I have none. I'm sorry but neither do you until you commit to one (or he commits to you).

The hardest aspect of any relationship getting off the ground is, the attraction has to be mutual and BOTH parties have to be emotionally available. THis has been my biggest obstacle in finding a relationship. Possibly yours as well. Or people delude themselves into believing they are emotionally available and are not, and the fantasy relationships begin.

Men esp have trouble with this. Even when they first fall for a woman they see what they want to and further down the line are like, Uh Oh, this isn't what I thought it was. Women are way better at intuition, IMO.

nate said...

"Men esp have trouble with this. Even when they first fall for a woman they see what they want to and further down the line are like, Uh Oh, this isn't what I thought it was. Women are way better at intuition, IMO."

You are SO right with this. Man, so right. I'm tired of being put up on a pedestal because a man's seeing me in a certain light that's not REAL then being ditched. Then again, I've done that, too.