Sunday, November 28, 2010

Running Scared and Other Dillemas

Well, I had nothing to worry about via my last post about the potential "fix up" with a dork. The guy must have had cold feet (or his last date was missing her front tooth), because he never made it to happy hour. Running scared, no doubt, just like me.

Thank God.

Well, what else is new dating-wise, you ask? There's a VERY my type kind of dude writing me on my social site, only he lives in Kansas. I'm sure he'll fade away, eventually, (like they always do) so I'll enjoy his internet attentions while they last.

Oh, guess what? Asshat, aka butt-trumpet, aka, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, aka everyone's favorite, Cactis Man wrote me.

He'd scrounged around in his e-mail box, finding a cutting e-mail I'd sent him last spring with a link to "our song" and sent it back to me with a note reading, "Does this video still make you funny in the panties?" I was so mad I almost threw my laptop across the room. I imagined him on fire. I imagined him being slowly squeezed to death by a python, then I imagined him being shot by a giant cannon out into outer space and imploding.

Needless to say, I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't. He wrote again, this time using a different tactic very foreign to him, "Being nice." "Being nice" and "Feigning Respect" towards me threw me for a loop, and since it was the holiday and I was feeling all nice, I felt sorry for him and simply wrote, "Hope your grandfather is well, Take care," which he must have taken as encouragement--stupid me. He flirted horribly with me when I put him in his place with a two sentence e-mail suggesting that perhaps his girlfriend might like his e-mails to me when he dropped the bomb and said they weren't together.

Well, imagine that: Cactis Man not being able to make a relationship work after 6 months? Shocking, isn't it?

Meh, I guess I can take some comfort in that. It was never about ME, what I couldn't be for him or anything like that. Some people are NEVER happy with anyone.

My new strategy with Cactis Man should he write me again? Well, remember, I put a Verizon block on my phone, so he can't contact me there. As for e-mails? Ignore him completely.

As Terri said, "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is INDIFFERENCE."

Therefore, no e-mails back to him, no matter what tricky ruse he uses.

Lessons to pass on to you:
1. You simply CANNOT have a long distance relationship with someone more than one days' drive from you.
2. You can't just stop at a Verizon block. A Yahoo block and Facebook block are also good ideas.
3. As I previously noted, write a pathetic short story about your ex and make sure it's very sad, tragic. Tell yourself you'll mail it to him if he doesn't cease contact. And finally,
4. There's two kinds you can date in this world: those who were raised in a safe, healthy environment, and those who weren't. Given this choice, why date someone dysfunctional?

Friday, November 12, 2010

New Dork on the Horizon?

Yippee-skippy, it's the weekend. I might have a new meeting with a potential dork. A friend of mine, whom I adore, (and don't want to hurt her feelings) wants me to meet her new boyfriend's "friend," tonight for happy hour.

Surprisingly enough, he's not on Facebook, so I have no idea what he looks like. My friend calls everyone "cute," which already raises suspicion. In her eyes, Marty Feldman, Woody Allen, and actors like that are also "cute." So I'm a tad worried.

His name is either "Stash" or "Crash," or "Slash," she wasn't sure. Yes, at best, I'm getting an image of "Slash" from Guns-n-Roses. I BEGGED her, as in almost on my knees, to make this NOT a "set-up." Instead, I said, "Can't we just all meet for happy hour as friends? Don't even tell him I'm coming." Of course, I know her, and she's probably told him I'm just his "type," so he'll have delusions of grandeur before I even show up.

However, I'm prepared for the worst and am already rehearsing alibis to get out of there after an hour or two, tops.

Got any recommendations?

Here's my short list:
1. "I've got to get up early tomorrow and meet some friends to clean up the tree limbs out of my yard from the tree trimming I had done. Say, do you have a truck I could borrow?" Then explain to him I don't drive and have only had a few crashes on my record.

2. "I've got to get going. My ex-boyfriend and I are going hiking tomorrow morning." Usually, with men, ANY mentioning of an "ex" always leaves them running for the door. They'll be happy to see you go and will never bother you again.

Unfortunately, those are the only two excuses I can think of to get away tonight. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Monday, November 1, 2010

Pushy People

Well, I had to nix another would-be date. He was pushy.

What's up with people when you TELL them you're just looking for friends and then they push you for more?

I told this new guy I met online that I just wanted to move slowly in possibly romantic endeavors and just make friends, see where things go, yet he kept pushing to meet me, whining, pushing, not listening, pushing, not listening, pushing, not listening, pushing, etc.

To me, a man who pushes and does not listen to you says one thing: He does NOT respect you. And, he does NOT want to be your friend.

Are people who do this just disrespectful? Or are they just stupid? Maybe they're just desperate, disrespectful AND stupid??