Sunday, November 28, 2010

Running Scared and Other Dillemas

Well, I had nothing to worry about via my last post about the potential "fix up" with a dork. The guy must have had cold feet (or his last date was missing her front tooth), because he never made it to happy hour. Running scared, no doubt, just like me.

Thank God.

Well, what else is new dating-wise, you ask? There's a VERY my type kind of dude writing me on my social site, only he lives in Kansas. I'm sure he'll fade away, eventually, (like they always do) so I'll enjoy his internet attentions while they last.

Oh, guess what? Asshat, aka butt-trumpet, aka, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, aka everyone's favorite, Cactis Man wrote me.

He'd scrounged around in his e-mail box, finding a cutting e-mail I'd sent him last spring with a link to "our song" and sent it back to me with a note reading, "Does this video still make you funny in the panties?" I was so mad I almost threw my laptop across the room. I imagined him on fire. I imagined him being slowly squeezed to death by a python, then I imagined him being shot by a giant cannon out into outer space and imploding.

Needless to say, I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't. He wrote again, this time using a different tactic very foreign to him, "Being nice." "Being nice" and "Feigning Respect" towards me threw me for a loop, and since it was the holiday and I was feeling all nice, I felt sorry for him and simply wrote, "Hope your grandfather is well, Take care," which he must have taken as encouragement--stupid me. He flirted horribly with me when I put him in his place with a two sentence e-mail suggesting that perhaps his girlfriend might like his e-mails to me when he dropped the bomb and said they weren't together.

Well, imagine that: Cactis Man not being able to make a relationship work after 6 months? Shocking, isn't it?

Meh, I guess I can take some comfort in that. It was never about ME, what I couldn't be for him or anything like that. Some people are NEVER happy with anyone.

My new strategy with Cactis Man should he write me again? Well, remember, I put a Verizon block on my phone, so he can't contact me there. As for e-mails? Ignore him completely.

As Terri said, "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is INDIFFERENCE."

Therefore, no e-mails back to him, no matter what tricky ruse he uses.

Lessons to pass on to you:
1. You simply CANNOT have a long distance relationship with someone more than one days' drive from you.
2. You can't just stop at a Verizon block. A Yahoo block and Facebook block are also good ideas.
3. As I previously noted, write a pathetic short story about your ex and make sure it's very sad, tragic. Tell yourself you'll mail it to him if he doesn't cease contact. And finally,
4. There's two kinds you can date in this world: those who were raised in a safe, healthy environment, and those who weren't. Given this choice, why date someone dysfunctional?

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