I read a good blog today on "Breaking up," from a chick called "Mommason." It talked about how do you KNOW when it's time to move on from a relationship.
Well, when you can't take the BAD behavior anymore, when it starts outweighing the good, that's when you move on. Sigh.
The worst part about a break up, besides being so alone, is missing the stuff you had that might have been the best you'll ever have again. Maybe it's spiritual comfort, or a laugh, compassion. Or maybe it was all about good sex. No wait. Not just "good sex." I mean mind-blowing, ground-shaking sex, the kind where you wonder if s/he's truly ruined you for other men/women. My ex used to joke he'd do that to me. I feel sometimes like he wasn't kidding.
By far, the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do was leave this guy whom I was not only in love with, but truly a soul mate. Not only that, but a fellow who dabbed in "Martymachlia," a fun condition also known as "adventure sex."
Ah, to be in love and have a person really, REALLY know you and your sexuality, someone who makes you feel so UNINHIBITED you'd try anything. Then to lose that and fall back into the mainstream is . . . . sigh. It's like the metaphor I recently told a friend, "It's like going from Cicilian, fresh herbed pizza dripping in oozy mozzerella to a dried old Tombstone in the back of your fridge."
BUT this is inhibited America, where we're not supposed to talk about things like sex. It's not nice. It's not being spiritually-elevated. It's being crass, vulgar, animalistic. It's not aimed towards preserving "Family Values," and all that hogwash.
But I will ALWAYS miss him. I miss the crazy, risky adventure sex, each time standing out in my mind like a scene from a movie. But maybe we were the deviants. Maybe we're in the lowest percentile of uninhibited America.
What are other people like? Do they have once-a-month missionary sex in the dark with the sheets pulled up? Do they REALLY enjoy themselves or would they secretely rather have a bowl of chocolate ice-cream and forego the sex altogether? As closed-lip of a society we are, at least in my humble opinion, I tend to think this is so.
But I'll bravely march on, try to keep my head up, and HOPE I can find a man who at least (when it comes to sex) can stand up to the plate of my ex, but that'll be a tough act to follow.