Saturday, October 1, 2011

Absolution or Forgiveness

Well, what's new with Invisible Man?

He wrote finally, a long, tender, apologetic e-mail but two lines really stood out:

1. "I have nothing to give right now," (he's in a deep funk of clinical depression, which he admits, but my friends all think he has bipolar, too)
2. "I remain your friend and more."

OK, now is this just me, but does #1 sound a bit like the "It's not you, it's me" variety (the classic dump line)? OK, let's say it is. Then why even bother to write #2?

If your attempt is to pull away, distance, or dump someone, why #2? Is it the person wants to keep the idea open of you (while not having to commit either way?). Or is it the person is confused? Working on his issues? My friends all agree that unlike Cactus Man, Invisible Man is sincere. They say he probably MEANS "I remain your friend and more" but due to his current mental illness and quasi-break down, really "and more" or hell, even being a friend is impossible. I mean, we haven't talked on the phone since Sept. 6th. I've not seen him in person since Aug. 21st. Is that what you do when you're "friends"? You don't talk or see each other? You tell the person that you "Just can't talk on the phone" because you're so down in the dumps you can't get off the couch? Wow, that sounds like a really cool friendship.

Forgiveness vs. Absolution

Forgivness means--I am so sorry for you that I hurt you.
Absolution means--I want to be forgiven for my sake. I want to appear the good guy, so can you forgive me so I can look like the "good guy" again?

Which does he want? Forgiveness or Absolution? I don't give out absolution. If a guy wants that, join a church.

Needless to say, I am back on the dating site. But this time there's a disclaimer added: 1. "If you have mental illness (untreated depression, bi-polar), please pass me by. I'm sure you're nice, but let's not waste each others' time. You should be working on your "issues" not looking for someone to date.

Disclaimer: This isn't to say all people with mental illness are not worthy of love or are fuckups. This is to say they need to work on their issues FIRST, find meds/therapy that work, THEN go looking for love. And they need to not be selfish and drag others down into their shithole of depression or lie about their issues when they're in a "temporary up swing." Which is EXACTLY what Invisible Man did--selfish. Issues first. Love second.

1 comment:

Deirdre said...

Agree! Times 2!!! I liked your definitions of absulotion vs. forgiveness. Two very different things that many people (men) confuse in their own minds.