Monday, October 17, 2011

Crazymakers in your Life? What You Can Do

One of the best things Cactus Man did inadvertently for me was pay for a class that I'd wanted to take almost three years ago. The class, which I'll never forget, was a class on screenwriting taught one winter by a visiting professor of screenwriting at Columbia University and who's written dozens of screenplays for Hollywood. What an inspiration he was!

But one of the things that stood out the most was a book he used for the class (D. you'll remember this). THE ARTIST'S WAY by Julia Cameron. It explored freeing your creativity, and in doing so, also letting go of things in your life (namely people) who block your creative energy.

So we had to keep what were called "Morning Pages," this was a new form of journaling, not to look nice or pretty, or read by anyone ever, not for pretty verse or poetry, but to DUMP the annoying data of your brain that others leave imprinted on you (thereby freeing your thoughts from the static that plugs up creativity). Horrifyingly, I noticed that my entire Morning Pages were about Cactus Man. I realized he was completely blocking my good creativity and dominating my good energy. Not to mention the constant Gaslighting he'd do: "I never said that." or "I never asked you to marry me; where'd you get that idea?" "You're too sensitive. I never said that." until I'd be banging my head in therapy trying to figure out if I'd lost my mind. Then I realized it was all just gaslighting on his part, and I found the courage to shut the door on him forever. Hence, all my anxiety went bye-bye, and I was safe, happy and normal once again.

Here's an interesting blog on Crazymakers:

Have you been a Crazymaker at One time in Your Life?

Be honest. Brutually honest.

I was once dumped by an old friend who accused me of once being a crazymaker (ironically at a time when I was dealing with the biggest crazymaker of all time, C.Man). I was hurt she'd accused me of that, and it ended our friendship. But I DID take a LONG, HARD look at myself. I noticed that I had been a crazymaker myself at certain times (not a full-blown one, but one who was often a little too self-absorbed); as a result I was DRAWING other CRAZYMAKERS TO ME (think of vampires hanging out with other vampires, because that's what it is really like). When someone drains all the energy out of you; you tend then to drain the energy in turn from someone else (a bloodsucker of the night!) Hence, the worst one of all, Cactus Man, Humpty Dumpty or Count Crackula.

Signs You're a Crazymaker:

Do friends dodge your phone calls too much?
Do you find yourself saying, "Yes, but back to MY STORY?" way, way too much?

Or do you have a Crazymaker in your life?:

Do you find yourself dodging someone's calls? Why?
Do they drive your CRAZY with their constant whining and problems and they never take action on their problems?
Does he/she gaslight you? (saying they never said/did something, to manipulate you, when you know it for fact that they did?)

I think it boils down to you reap what you sew, or Karma or whatever:

Try to be of service to others, your friends.
Try to keep a lid on your "woes me" things and see things through others' eyes. I know this is very difficult at times. If you have a Crazymaker in your life, read Julie Cameron's book (she was married to a talented but notorious crazymaker, Martin Scorsese). And slowly, gently, with much tact and diplomacy, try to weed those crazymakers out of your life.

Life's a garden. You only have time for the daisies, not the weeds and roses with thorns. Give back to others. Do something that is completely selfless.

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