Saturday, January 23, 2010

More Do's and Don'ts For Naughty Lads and Lassies

More Quick Tips for Internet-Geek Dating

OK, I’ve got more brain damage to share. You guessed it. I’ve been on my internet date site again looking around and have more tales, scary ones guaranteed to terrify you more than overdue credit card bills you don’t even own, ickier than hearing your mom and dad have “sexy time” in their bedroom when you were last home at Christmas. Not fun. The way that going on interviews is not fun, or getting a bill from the dentist for that crown is not fun, or waiting for test results from Planned Parenthood. I’ve more do’s and don’ts to share. You guessed it. More gaffs.

Do’s and Don’ts for Internet Dating

1. No Showboating. Seriously. I just ran into a plethora of guys’ profiles recently where at LEAST one of their pictures is with their arm around a hottie. What sort of message is this trying to give? “Here’s my ex, (or at least the person I paid to let me hug them so you THINK this is my ex).” Or perhaps this, “I ONLY date women from Hooters! See the cleavage? So if you’re not from Hooters, scram!” The last guy’s site where I encountered this, the guy made sure he captured both breasts of the Hooters girl (everything showing but the nips), but only half her face (thoughtful, right?). This of course begs the question, why do you need to put a HOTTIE on your site in the first place? I may be mistaken, but aren’t you LOOKING for a girlfriend?

2. No Rude Blowoffs. I’m SO SICK of writing something nice to someone, “Hey, that’s a great profile, blah, blah, blah,” only never to hear from them. Not even a “Thanks, but you’re not my type. Take care.” Not only that, but on my site it shows whether or not they deleted your response, too. Nothing says “thanks” like being deleted. Do these people act like this in real life? Do they, say, walk away from the bank teller when the she says, “Have a good day,” and not even say thanks? Who are these people? Maybe they turn around and say, “I’m deleting your response.”

3. Do show a friend or two. BUT think about about considering the choices. For example, I did see a darling picture of a good-looking guy with his grandma. Now that is cute! And it sets up a good precedent! Or how about a picture of your “average” looking lady friend? That also says, “See I don’t objectify women, and your friends might like me.”

4. No pictures of toys. I don’t get this one. No pictures of boats, cars, motorcycles. We don’t need this, really. I saw a guy this week post a picture of his yard. His YARD! (And no, it wasn’t a gorgeous Alpine view, lake, etc. Just his rusty tool shed, folding lawn chair and his yard). OK, I get it you’re into bikes, or boats or whatever. I understand it’s your passion. Just tell us about it. Don’t waste space with a picture. Since I’m a writer, and writing is my passion, should I post a picture of my laptop? Pretty sexy, eh? Maybe I should post a picture of my couch? How about a mug of coffee, steaming from my microwave?

Don’t worry. I’m here, praying for us all.


B Ridout said...

damn!! now i have to go and remake my entire profile! new photos and all :(

nate said...

Oh, you cutie! You've got one of the better profiles out there! LOL. You didn't post ten dog pics, did you? LOL.

B Ridout said...

nope, no dog pics. I suspect all the pics of Ben the dog are on your page ;)

nate said...

Lol!! No, that'd be just ONE dog-picture, and it's Bennie, if you ask him! ;)