Monday, February 22, 2010

Spring on The Horizon and Love

Spring. The elusive spring. Here in South Dakota, it's not spring, but looking at the calendar, I gleefully noticed there are only 6 more days, then we can start feeling springy.

And what perfect thing to associate with spring, other than new love? This winter I've moved on (leaving the past in the past), and deciding I'm ready for HEALTHY love. With my fingers crossed, I'm hopeful.

Top Six Signs That the Love Bug Has Hit You

1. Jumpiness.
Why is it you feel like a PTSD victim when you're falling for someone (bombs going off where there are none)? You're jumpy; you can't sleep. Your appetite disappears.

2. Past Relationship Review and Paranoia.
Why is it when you meet someone exciting and new, you immediately have mini-freak outs, paranoid that the new potential "It Person" may share characteristics/similarities with the "Bad Ex." Example: "He likes war movies? Uh-oh, my EX liked war movies, too." "He never got along with his mother when he was young? Uh-oh, neither did my ex." "He likes Pale Ale? Uh-oh, so did my ex." Paranoia can reach alarming heights unless kept in check.

3. Dieting.
Why is it that when there's NO one interesting in your love life, those extra beers and slabs of pizza seem like a novel idea, but when someone new may be on the horizon, suddenly that 10 lbs. weight gain over the holidays (and the 5 lb. weight gain from the winter before), makes you feel like you're walking around in a Michelin suit? Determined, you drag out the tape measure. "I've got to get this tire down from 5" to 3" in TWO weeks!!!!!"

4. Clothes Review.
When a new potential love interest is in the wings, suddenly that pair of faded out, holy Levis that were your favorite for the past fourteen years just might you look more hobo than love-interest. Better hightail it to Kohl's praying for sales.
b. Also, the college-era sweatsuit set you've been lounging in while you've been single, appears to be what it really is: a rag with coffee stains ready for the trash.
c. Old concert and rally t-shirts substituting for sexy nighties deem alarmingly unacceptable lounge-wear.
d. Granny panties get made into rags immediately, and you frantically start pawing around in your panty drawer, hoping you still have the "sexy ones."

5. Bed Review.
Those old frayed sheets bought on sale ten years ago from K-Mart actually appear as they really are: faded, thread-bare and ready for the trash bin. Get ready to run to J.C. Penny's looking for the expensive 800 thread count.

And finally,

6. Frivolous Gift Getting.
a. You realize you REALLY do need that $75 bottle of upscale perfume. The $5 hippy Patchouli ain't cutting it anymore.
b. The mismatched wine glasses in your cabinet don't look at cute as you thought,
c. And you realize the rug in your bedroom with the big chocolate stain, and remnants of an old wine stain probably won't help spell out "s-e-x-y t-i-m-e" any time soon.

Hang in there. Dust off that credit card, throw out those bras with the permanent sweat stains, girls, and toss out those old grampa-style white briefs with the skid-marks, guys.

Good luck. I'm praying for us all!


A said...

too funny! I'm all about the running-out-for-new-sheets!

B Ridout said...

and here I thought washing the sheets was good?!?!? Damn! now you got me thinking