I Heart American Idol

Crazy for American Idol

It’s that time of year again. Idol’s on twice a week and started Tuesday night. What is it about that show? I’m not a TV watcher, let alone a FOX TV watcher. I don’t have cable, haven’t since the “free” cable I had been getting from the guy next door was snipped off about eight years ago. I actually donate money to PBS.

So why am I tuning in to this season’s American Idol?

I planned a whole evening around it last night as I frantically ran out and got a pizza and beer before the event began at 7:00. Even Jen knows not to call during Idol unless it’s about Idol because I won’t pick up. “Dude, I’m watching IDOL!!!” I’ll text. My sister and I have texting wars when it comes on every year: “Did you see that hairball just on there now? What was that outfit!? OMG, that hair!! What year is it, 1985?” she will text me, although she’s on eastern time and the show comes on an hour earlier. “Was that last guy tone deaf?” I will text back. “My ears are bleeding!”

I think I must have a taste for voyeurism where the worst of humankind is highlighted weekly for millions of Americans to see. What intrigues me the most are the tone-deaf singers. I’m amazed and find myself forced to gawk, the same way you gawk at a car wreck. You just plain, can’t help it.

I have several questions.

1. “Who are these people?” I mean, where do they find them?

2. “Are ALL people who are tone-deaf ignorant of their deafness?” “Have they ever taped themselves singing?” I can remember one friend from college who always sang in her car, forcing me to have to listen in polite agony. She was amazingly ignorant to her whopping case of tone-deafness.

3. “Why does someone who sucks at singing think that an unusual (and highly embarrassing) costume will somehow up their chances?”

4. “How come the ones who suck the worst, get the most P.O.’d when they are told they suck?”

And finally, the most perplexing question of all,

5. “What kind of “friend” lets you go on American Idol and make as ass of yourself fully knowing you can’t carry a tune in bucket?” A friend who needs his ass kicked, that’s who.

As usual, I’ll probably not watch the whole season, but you can bet I sure won’t miss any of the auditions.

Cheers to American Idol.