Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to Me!

What's the occasion?  As I was on POF politely answering some email from some homely trolls writing me, I came across a part of my profile that says when I subscribed to this site.

To my horror, it said 2005.  I've been continuously dating on the internet for seven, long years.

In that time period, I've learned a lot. 

Here goes.

Top Ten Things I've Learned Over Seven Years of Internet Dating

1. A bullet hole in a man's bed is a very, very bad thing.  Leave immediately.
2. Just because a man's been married once doesn't mean he'll comitt any more to you than Cactus Man did.
3. A guy who goes too fast, saying how much he likes you and paying you too many compliments is a giant red flag on legs (ex. Cactus Man and The Salesman).  Run!
4. A lot of guys can look good on paper (ex. good job, educated) but be real D-bags once you get to know them.
5. A guy can regularly attend church and be a practicing Catholic and a major Douchebag.  Hello, Hole!
6. Just because he's a good father to his kids doesn't necessarily mean he'll treat you well.
7. If a guy really trash-talks his ex, RUN!  It means he learned nothing from the relationship and doesn't own up to any responsibilities in his relationships.
8.  A guy who sends you a picture of his body parts or chest is a total DOUCHE.  See "Ego" a few posts back.
9.  Guys don't get less DOUCHIER as they age.  They stay about as douchey as they were when they were 25.  They just get more desperate.
10.  A guy that always says, "I'll tell you about that later," is full of shit and buying time before dropping the A-bomb on you.  "Later" will never happen.  He's hiding something.

I'm praying for us all, kiddies.

New rule for Dudes after The Salesman.  I'm going to change my site to "friends only."  I need a break after 7 years.

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