History of Desire

Have you ever read the poem "History of Desire" by Tony Hoagland? Garrison Keillor read it on Writer's Almanac, and you can access it here:

http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2009/02/18

What a sad, beautiful poem about starting off in life so full of passion and trust for love. Then how you get older, the past slaps you in the face from all the lies you've heard, all the broken promises you had believed in, then the next thing you know, you're emotionally unavailable. Male or female, it's not gender-exclusive.

It's sad, but it doesn't have to be this way. Can't you be cautious, slow and level-headed in the love arena once you've grown through to experience?

Even I have to admit, if I ever fall in love again, I might get anxious.

In retrospect, it seems Cactus Man and Count Crackula unfortunately, desperately wanted everyone to think they had "it"--what's called being emotionally available, when they really were not. When they were as cracked as Humpty Dumpty.

I once met a VERY cool guy here in town, named E. He looked like a tidier version of Curt Cobain. However, UNLIKE Curt, he was very emotionally grounded and mentally healthy (and I'm so about being mentally healthy these days).

What I really respected about him was he didn't pretend to want to become emotionally available nor wanting any kind of relationship at all.

What????!!!, you're saying. Why would she like this? Well, it's honest. He never pulled any punches with me, led me on, talked about "future things" we would do, made promises he knew he couldn't keep, disappeared like so many of them.

He just flat out announced this, RIGHT AWAY. I had to admire him. And the best thing? He never wound up a villain in one of my blogs, short stories, or poems, and never broke my heart.

There's something to be said about being honest FROM THE START!