I forgot to update everyone on some major news last week. Cactus Man, in one of his infinite moments of jackassery, apparently tried to call me on the phone. I say "apparently" because as you'll remember, I have had him on "block" through Verizon for almost a year now.
This allegedly, for some rather ironic reason, made him furious. He emailed me saying that I had blocked him and he found this "ridiculous." I ignored it, which apparently fueled his fury because then he sent me this, which I actually had to edit and censor because it was so vile and filthy:
"Considering your claims that we had a one-sided relationship, your failure to ever respond to me, the fake Facebook girlie thing, and now I have discovered you blocked my phone number, I suppose it's time to put the final nail in our coffin. Go fuck yourself. Thanks for the fair . . . (sexual reference), even if I never did get to experienced your famous (sexual reference).
Peace."
Ter and Jennie thought the "Peace" thing comical. Did I ever tell you that he once told me that he thought telling someone to go fuck off was the biggest insult you could hurl someone?
I know what you're thinking. His brilliance there is stunning, isn't it? Ter drafted a GREAT comeback for me.
"Ridiculous,
Since you have never known anyone in South Dakota, and I don't really exist unless you're between girlfriends, then what is "ridiculous" is that you'd call.
Sorry it didn't work out with the last chic, but this chic has moved on.
All the best.
Ciao,
N"
I never sent it. Not that I didn't want to, but some people are just so TOXIC that you cannot reply to them, just cut them out of your life entirely. The only sad thing, besides the fact that he lost the best thing that ever step foot in his life, is that I can't really do any more comics about him.
Oh well.
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