Friday, March 19, 2010
I thought I'd met a real contender but once again, I was wrong. (Oh, and Cactus Man is texting me again, though I'm ignoring him.) Never a dull moment around here. But anyway, I thought this guy was the bomb. Firstly, he was local! He transferred here from Wisconsin; we have the same unusual hobbies (i.e., ghost town hunting). He was big-n-manly, financially stable, fit, a retired big city cop (how sexy is that?) a great big, confident, funny character. So what went wrong? You tell me. We had almost six weeks of internet/phone/photo-swapping bliss before we met, calling each other every night, long conversations, met, kissed, all looked great. Then a week later and the old, "I have to work on myself and some issues I have. It's not you. It's me." Cripes, you'd think the fool would know that line's famous from Seinfeld.
It all boils down to this: internet dating can lead to a sort of non-existent fantasy idolization on either one partner, or even both. Since I've now discovered this, here are some more red flags.
Top Signs Your Internet Love is Transforming you into a Fantasy and Other Various Red Flags:
1. Says you remind him/her of someone famous. Before meeting me, this dude had it in his head I was going to be just like the country singer Sara Evans. He'd wake up every morning and listen to some lame song she'd written and say it'd remind him of me. Anyone who knows me would laugh at this. Really? Chrissy Hinds, maybe. Stevie Nicks, possibly. Even Lady Gaga or Amy Winehouse would be closer. He'd already built me up to something I could never be.
2. Too many failed marriages. This one I realize is controversial. But THREE failed marriages and a failed engagement? Also, if all the divorces are explained as, "She left me," run for the hills. She left you? Yeah, right.
3. An illegitimate kid or two that the person isn't allowed to see. You guessed it. I should have ran right there. Big FAT red flag.
4. Admitting to many ugly stories. I wondered if I was supposed to be sitting in a confessional giving him absolution. I mean, he spilled too many beans to me in only a matter of a few weeks. Airing too much dirty laundry too soon, is a big, fat red flag.
5. Procrastinating about meeting you. Sigh. Listen up. This is the truest sign of a "Fantasy Seeker." If someone on the net is procrastinating to meet you, you have to ask yourself this, why? I was procrastinating a bit, too, so he's not entirely to blame, but I was only trying to crash diet and lose 10 lbs. before we met. Even though he only lived 30 miles away, he procrastinated too long intentionally, because many men/women, only want the fantasy, not the real deal of meeting, dating, etc.
6. Claims of False Chastity. This one really ONLY applies to the ladies. You know how it is, men pawing all over you. When you find a guy who says he wants to wait, you think you've hit the jackpot. "Finally," you think. "He really must like me." You think it's because he respects you. This guy was SO clever and knew women so well, that when he pulled this card, I bought it hook, line and sinker. It was EASY to buy, believe me. In fact, this was a FIRST for me. Never heard of this card being played before.
So you're wondering, with all the red flags, how did you get fooled anyway?
That old charm has taken many a man and woman and felled them to their knees. This guy was the funniest, fastest-thinking, wittiest guy I'd ever met.
But I guess, TOO MUCH charisma is also a red flag.