I'm not sure we can still be "friends." He invited me to go up in the canyon this weekend to view the fall colors. I said sure, and asked that JJ could come along, too, since "the more the merrier with FRIENDS." He said OK.
But then he later texted me this:
"We could leave first thing in the morning, after I come over and stay overnight after my game."
ME: "Why would you come over and stay the night? We're just friends, and you live ten minutes away, not six hours away."
I.G.: "What if it snows?"
ME: "It's supposed to be eighty degrees, my silly FRIEND."
So I figured he was OK with being "just friends," but later on it seemed to me he was NOT OK. Firstly, on our trip into the canyon, he kept grabbing my knee and giving it a loving squeeze, which was embarrassing. Each time, I'd flinch and jerk it away. Do you allow your friends to grab your knees? Your Grandpappie? No. Ick.
Then he started up with the bad jokes and passive aggressive humor. It went like this.
"JJ, Nat said you wanted to go to Jack and Jills's in Sturgis to get some supplies."
"Huh?" asked JJ dumbfounded. "What?"
(Jack and Jill's is a sex shop. Secondly, it is only there during the Sturgis Rally, one week out of the year. And thirdly, I most certainly did NOT tell Indifferent Guy that JJ said this. This is his UNFUNNY way of flirting with me and getting everyone to be mindful of sex and horribly uncomfortable with his "jokes").
"I most certainly did NOT say any such thing," I retorted.
"Ick. Gross. Jack and Jills?," said JJ from the back seat.
"Are you sure? We can stop there. Maybe Nat wants to pick something up for herself, har, har har," he chortled to himself thinking his lascivious, inappropriate and seventh grade humor quite funny.
"Screw sex," JJ suddenly says impassioned. "It's over-rated."
"Yeah, screw sex. Thank god for menapause because that's the last damned thing I have on my mind these days. I'd take a bowl of good potato chips any day than sex." To illustrate this, I shake a bag of kettle chips JJ and I were sharing then pass them back to her.
"SEX, that's the last thing on my mind these days," JJ pipes up from the back, gleefully accepting the bag, and then JJ and I cackle like hens for a good ten seconds.
Dead silence from Indifferent Guy. We pretty much turned him into a Eunuch. And, for once, no sniggling, giggling, self righteous prooling or chortling. In fact, he pretty much ignored us the rest of the day.
I get it that I went too far. I didn't have to emasculate him, but he pushed me past my point. And my sex drive isn't that dead--it's just that I am NOT INTO HIM SEXUALLY WHATSOEVER EVEN IF THERE WAS A NUCLEAR FALLOUT AND HE WAS THE LAST MAN ON THE PLANET. It's just that enough is enough. Do I have to get a blow horn and scream out, LOOK. WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. I LOOK AT YOU LIKE I LOOK AT MY BROTHER.
WHAT gives?
OK, Universe, I have learned my lesson. Chemistry does matter. I feel badly for him, and I had originally tried to be nice, but now I'm going to have to ignore him because he was obviously NOT listening when I said we could be just friends.
Now, with the new dude whom I'll call Wildcat from North Dakota, that sex drive is oddly re-awoken. He's going to come down here next weekend with some buddies and party with me. Yup, you heard that right. More later.
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