I always got to give props to TT for her theory of "Guys who only like the IDEA of meeting but never want to actually meet," which is always spot on when internet dating.
Assistant Principal
I'm getting the idea that Assistant Principal doesn't really want to date, rather, just likes the idea. He texts me every day, but it's always the same, "Happy Wednesday!" And we have yet to talk on the phone. Boring. I gave him props for texting, "I'm kind of hiding behind technology. I'm sort of shy." OK, at last a man who's willing to admit this. But are we ever going to meet? He says he's protecting his children whom he has custody of during the school year (got it, doesn't want a parade of women into his life to confuse his kids). Cool, a guy with integrity. But they're back with his ex now. So what gives?
Indifferent Dude
Then there's that dude I met last week. Since he's so new, I've yet to nickname him. He's not bad looking, and he's funny and talks a lot like Sagittarius men do, is educated, never been married--sounds good, right? But I can't decide if I'm attracted to him or not (don't usually go for short blondes). I like his personality so far though. We talked about 4 hours downtown, listening to the band. We laughed; he's easy-going. At one point, we were talking about cooking, and he said he likes to cook and that couples these days need to share the "responsibilities and stuff." What stuff? Bills? Is he a cheapskate, I wondered. I dated one of those for ten years, ain't gonna do that one again. Like all guys, he lied about his height. He's my height, not 5'10". Since I'm indifferent about him, maybe I'll call him Indifferent?
Green Eyes
Green eyes is a guy with the kindest looking eyes I've seen thus far, electronically. Green eyes hasn't been dating really at all since he's been divorced, so it seems from his website, "I've never done the online thing, so I thought I'd give it a try since I don't go out much." Wow, really? He's got a house on the nice side of town, works two jobs, one job just on Sundays, so he's not lazy. But, he told me he doesn't read books and in fact, doesn't read much at all. WTF. BUT, he's nice. His texts are literate, and he said he'd CALL me TONIGHT. We'll see!
The Married
You know, I've been dating my whole life, and single and relationship-less for ten years now, so it was only a matter of time, before one of these would pop up (let alone the time a doctor here in town wanted to know if I'd swing with him and his wife, PIG). This guy actually isn't a pig. He's not looking to hook up. I didn't know he was married until we'd exchanged tons of emails and I found myself liking him, then he admitted he was married and of course, "miserably married." Educated, former engineer, owns a campground, million things in common. I told him that he was as unavailable to me as a 100 year old man, or a gay man now that I know he's married. He was crushed and wanted to know if we could still be friends. Why? I told him NORMAL people get a divorce if they're that "miserably married," NOT trying to find a reason to get divorced--me. Let alone, get divorced, wait a few years, then start dating again. I mean, really? Why would I want to get attached to him? He writes me constantly, but I blow 99% of them off. He wants to read this blog. Hilarious.
The Ex
My ex, from a long time ago, (like before this blog) has been comparing me a lot lately to his new girl friend whom he hid from me for over a year now. Apparently, she's perfect. She uber-feminine, doesn't drink, cuss, fart, or read while taking a shit (who doesn't read while taking a dump? I have a whole library in my bathroom. The only thing that beats a bathroom library, would be if there was a bar in a bathroom). I'm kind of dependent upon him right now because I hurt my knee. So he and his new little wifey, are coming over tomorrow to pick up my old dryer since my guy friend Michael Jackson-voice and I can't lift it with my knee blown out. The whole thing with my ex would be funny in a way if it were happening to someone else or if I didn't still care for him. I said I'd never blog about him, but I'm pissed at him today, so, so be it.
Michael Jackson-voice
We hiked again last weekend, and I had a great time, and he gave me his old clothes dryer, though once he drug it down into my basement, then drug the old one out and deposited it on my lawn, then jogged back into my basement and turned the new dryer on, he found that it doesn't work. He's pretty cute and very sweet. But I've never heard a man with a voice this high. It is definitely NOT attractive. But he's so nice, toting two dryers around on his back, that I'm trying to get my head around his voice. But how do you find chemistry with someone who sounds like Diana Ross?
Southern Gentleman
Is still in the picture, good manners as always. But I find myself not attracted to him since he's about 100 lbs. overweight. People who say that looks don't matter are right. When you're friends, they sure don't matter. But calculating how many beers you would need to drink (8?) to make out with him isn't a good sign.
Shawn-from-the-gym
Well, even though I went out of my way to invite him, he never showed to our game of Cards Against Humanity last Friday. Then again, neither did anyone from our writers' group. So who knows what's going on with him. Since I'm injured, I won't see him at the gym this week, and that's good, because I'm sorta pissed and let him just wonder where I am. I went OUT ON A LIMB and asked him to hang out. The least he could have done was show up. But maybe he's like all these internet guys. Maybe he likes the idea of dating me, but doesn't want to.
Oh, and Crackie finally wrote me. He said he "missed me," whatever that means. Maybe I should blog about him next? After all, I'm on the couch with a giant ice pack around my knee and nothing else to do.
Stay tuned.
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