Monday, July 15, 2013

Camp Tales 2013 part V: "Hey, OLD chicks Can't Go There!"

Doooders, at the head of the Historic Western Hotel's bar!

After an entertaining couple of hours perusing the Historic Western Hotel Bar in Ouray, and vigorously snapping pictures in hopes of capturing a forlorn ghost on camera, we grew weary and decided to refill Dooder's "Beer Prescription" somewhere else.

I hadn't had a single "good-lookin' rock-n-roll biker spotting" yet for the vacation, and it was getting old.  So we decided to hit Main Street and scope it out.

I spotted a young woman in her early 30's having a smoke outside the post office.  She appeared to be local and looked somewhat friendly, so Doooders and I ventured over to her to quiz her about Ouray's night life.

"Excuse me, do you know of any entertaining bars around here?" I asked.  "A biker bar perhaps," I added hopefully.

"Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll," the girl started and looked us up and down as if we were Soviet spies.  "There is a good place down the street.  BUT," she paused, exhaling a long puff of smoke and giving us another questionable look as if she'd caught us peeing in public.  "It's where the YOUNG people go."

"Oh, YOUNG people," I mumbled sort of in shock as I looked over at Doooder whose mouth had fallen open.  What does one say to that?  "Well, I was just wondering if you knew of a good nursing home that has a bar in it?"  Or, "Thanks for compliment.  Do you know the direction to the local A.A.R.P. ?"

The young lady sighed as if we were impossibly daft, hard of hearing, and perhaps mentally-challenged because we were over 40.  "There's the Ouray Brewing Company down the street," she offered.

"Thanks.  I hope they give us our senior citizen discounts," I said sarcastically.  And we left.
Apparently, everyone over 40 needs to start wearing Depends and stock up on Ensures--this is news to me. 

What a fucktard.   It's not like we were dressed in "Mom Jeans" that go up to our boobs, or even worse, bling-jeans and spiked heels, like some sort of Cougars.  Where did she get off with that?  Step off woman.  You're lucky I didn't "Skewl" you and kick you in the ass.

So off we went in search of 1. good lookin' dude spottings 2. biker bars and 3. cheap food.

Stay tuned.

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