Friday, April 26, 2013

Feminism and Loss of Identity

Apparently, Once Again, I'm RIGHT

I will admit sadly, because I'm reading this Gloria Steinhem book, and it's rocking my world.  It used to be that I looked around and saw women disappearing into men/relationships left and right.  They'd find a boyfriend, slowly stop hanging out with their old friends.  Sometimes, it'd be abrupt.  They'd find a new boyfriend, and BOOM you would hardly hear from then again . . .  UNTIL they broke up.

Remember in high school, so many girls were so obsessed with finding a boyfriend?  Guys weren't obsessed that way.  Instead, they were obsessed with other things, like goals/sports and sure sex was always on their mind, but not disappearing into a relationship.

If we've made such leaps and bounds with the women's movement, why are girls and women still doing this?

Then I wondered if they were really disappearing, or if I was losing my mind.

Then after I started reading Gloria's Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem, and she vindicates, using many reports and studies, that women do indeed DISAPPEAR into men, or better put, they disappear into the "relationship."  I feel better: I'm not losing my mind. Thanks, Gloria!

Here's her book.  I recommend it highly for all women who are independent and would like to stay that way.

It's not "focusing on their relationship" like Dooders said. It's disappearing into it.  Sure, some men do this too, but it's very rare compared to the rates women do it.

In fact, there's this book dedicated to this very phenomenon:

AND, scads of everyday articles about it such as this:

As Mamie remembers, Carrie noted from Sex in the City, "If two souls have only one thought between them, something's very wrong."

I have been enchanted with men before, and even obsessed sometimes, but I can say, I have never lost myself.  In fact, the shortest time I dated someone before living with them was a FULL two years, and even then, the guys gave me tons of room, and I never dumped my friends who would have kicked my ass if I did.

So what gives, what with all the modern changes we've made, why do women disappear into a relationship?


Kim R. Alarie said...

I have always believed that it has to do with the fact that girls are socialized all their lives to concentrate on relationships. And today, we still see that so many young women dream about their wedding and their marriage and talk about it and plan it from they time they are very young.

A hundred years ago when women were still essentially property, her husband was the most important relationship in a woman's life. He had to be because he had control over her body and her life. But it is time for all of use to get past that and move toward more healthy relationships and take better care of ourselves.

Now granted, that I believe that women are hardwired to put more priority on relationships in general, women are still socialized to believe that the relationship with a man is the most important relationship in our lives. Thus, for many people, that means stepping away from other relationships.

I learned, the hard way of course, that this is not a good thing. we must maintain our previous relationships and family relationships while growing new relationships. It can be difficult but in the long run, we are better off.

nate said...

I couldn't agree more. Well put!