Feminism and Loss of Identity

Apparently, Once Again, I'm RIGHT

I will admit sadly, because I'm reading this Gloria Steinhem book, and it's rocking my world.  It used to be that I looked around and saw women disappearing into men/relationships left and right.  They'd find a boyfriend, slowly stop hanging out with their old friends.  Sometimes, it'd be abrupt.  They'd find a new boyfriend, and BOOM you would hardly hear from then again . . .  UNTIL they broke up.

Remember in high school, so many girls were so obsessed with finding a boyfriend?  Guys weren't obsessed that way.  Instead, they were obsessed with other things, like goals/sports and sure sex was always on their mind, but not disappearing into a relationship.

If we've made such leaps and bounds with the women's movement, why are girls and women still doing this?

Then I wondered if they were really disappearing, or if I was losing my mind.

Then after I started reading Gloria's Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem, and she vindicates, using many reports and studies, that women do indeed DISAPPEAR into men, or better put, they disappear into the "relationship."  I feel better: I'm not losing my mind. Thanks, Gloria!

Here's her book.  I recommend it highly for all women who are independent and would like to stay that way.

http://www.amazon.com/Revolution-Within-Self-Esteem-Gloria-Steinem/dp/0316812471/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1366998476&sr=1-1&keywords=gloria+steinem+books

It's not "focusing on their relationship" like Dooders said. It's disappearing into it.  Sure, some men do this too, but it's very rare compared to the rates women do it.

In fact, there's this book dedicated to this very phenomenon:

http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Him-without-Losing-You/dp/0471409790

AND, scads of everyday articles about it such as this:
http://madamenoire.com/195275/the-disappearing-woman-why-do-women-lose-themselves-in-relationships/

As Mamie remembers, Carrie noted from Sex in the City, "If two souls have only one thought between them, something's very wrong."

BINGO.
I have been enchanted with men before, and even obsessed sometimes, but I can say, I have never lost myself.  In fact, the shortest time I dated someone before living with them was a FULL two years, and even then, the guys gave me tons of room, and I never dumped my friends who would have kicked my ass if I did.

So what gives, what with all the modern changes we've made, why do women disappear into a relationship?

Alaska--Where Dreams are Born

My Northern Exposure fans will recognize this one as I was priviledged to go here last summer--ahhhhh.

Alaska.

What is with that place?  I've been obsessed with it as of late.  As my friends know, I've got the soul of an adventurer, an explorer.  One day, with no reason, I just picked up and moved out west to where I am now.  No man, are you kidding me, influenced this.  In fact I had a boyfriend at the time, whom I left to move out here.  No job influenced this, you kidding me?

I just wanted to explore.  This was 14 years ago.

Now, I have a good job, respect, a great house.

Yet, still I find my foot itchy of late.

Alaska.  The Yukon.  What is it?

As Stretchie said to me a few weeks ago, "Neums, why not?  You'd love it there.  Eccentrics, artists, mountain men.  It's YOU."  As Matt is always saying, "Natalie, you'd never come down to the lower 48 again."

Something about that place touches my lone wolf soul, makes me want to buy a truck, fill it with my books and antiques, grab Bennie and just. . . . GO.

I could see living in Unakleet, Palmer or Talkeetna.  Even Anchorage.  I could see infusing the culture with my culinary skills, opening up a bistro and creating masterpieces out of moose and elk.

What is it about that place?  Stay tuned.

Spring Craziness, Spring Fever and Other Musings

If you can't have a sweet doggie begging for his Easter basket, what have you?

What's new?

Well, I'm really proud of one friend of mine who's dating this dude, and just takin' it easy-peasy, slow, nice and healthy.  I think he's teaching her lessons, inadverntantly, about herself.  So it's fun to see.  He's not her "the one" but who cares?  Why do we Americans put so much stress on that?  Just have fun and live in the Eckert Tolle moment.

What else?  Talked with an old friend of mine, whom I adore.  She's vice pres. and CEO of one of our nation's biggest mobile phone companies, yet, she's as humble a person I've known, and I've known her for almost 30 years.  She's what I call a "natural feminist."

A Natural Feminist doesn't have to toot her own horn. She's not into material possessions, comparing herself to the Joneses.  She doesn't NEED kids to define herself, and she doesn't disappear into a man either.

She just, well, just IS.

I love how the universe has been moving me along to these great women-friends.  And I'm chomping at the bit to read Gloria Steinem's Revolution From Within.

Ironically, there's a wealthy, attractive, Harley-riding, grounded mechanical engineer-investment banker who's interested in me locally.  Meh.  He's nice, and I told him we can most certainly explore our friendship. 

It's funny.  When you're entirely 100% independant and comfortable, really good men are attracted to that.  Maybe it's the chase?  I'm not desperate and love my quiet life.  I do not disappear into a man, nor do I need one to feel completed.  Or maybe it's the calm from within that they like?  Either way, I'm in the moment and have no hurries.

Stay tuned, folks. And simply just love the moment.