This new year 2015 is taking no lip. In fact, I had to tell a would-be date I had planned on all week long to shove off.
He looked so GOOD on paper. Owned a successful HVAC business in California, still has a hobby ranch there. Came out here to retire, built a gorgeous 6 bedroom, 3 bath, recording studio, 2 fireplace, home up on the cliffs overlooking town out by Chapel Lake, financial security! A baby grand piano, a concert level pianist. We had lots in common, and couldn't wait to meet.
Until, a little voice in me decided to Google his name.
What shows up? The U.S. District Attourney's Office--District of South Dakota. Charges from two years ago, probation. Selling weed with a 357 Smith and Wesson with the serial number scratched off. To me anyway, there is a big difference between a hippie smoking the occasional joint, and someone running around Sons of Anarchy-style, toting around a big weapon with the numbers off, armed and SELLING weed. That's no Ben and Jerry's happy-laid-back-hippie who's only offense is eating all the Pringles in one sitting.
Then there's another charge, but for some reason I can't get the article, but it reads like this, "_________, Tina Marie harboring a fugitive . . . child pornography . . . pleaded innocent . . ."
WTF. And the MOST important article, and I can't get it to open!? Well, it does open, but it takes me to an exhaustive list of crimes committed in the state for the ENTIRE year. I DO feel like researching it, but will have to on someone else's faster computer.
So, I realize I MUST BOW out of this date. As in immediately. I know myself too well, that if he were charming and good looking enough in person, it'd be harder to follow my gut. Still, I could have asked for the story on the actual date, been all judicial and simply straight up asked him to explain himself, but how would that have gone?
"Wow, this pizza is really good!" he'd say.
"Yeah it is (awkward silence) so I got a neat idea for a game, let's Google our names and see what comes up. You first!"
So I texted him.
"Hi Troy. I'm gonna have to pass today. I put your name into Google, and it freaked me out with some charges against you in court (?). I'm a pretty law-abiding person. And I wish you all good luck. I don't want any trouble. Hope you understand."
I get this text:
"That's fine. I was in possession of a firearm with an altered serial number. I had inherited it from my father's estate. He aquired it from a loan he'd given to one of his mechanics. Bad luck. I've never been in trouble with the law before. Oh well. Can't say I appreciate being scrutinized that way anyways. You could have just asked. I would've told you anyways. So be it."
I texted: "I was only trying to send you a 'friend request' on Facebook. That's how all that showed up in Google. Have you ever Googled your name? It shows all government records. It shows what is out there about you."
And the great last text I got? His famous, noble last words?
"Whatever."
Whatever? Can you believe it? How come no story about the selling weed with a gun? How come no story to explain the other horrific charge?
How about blaming it all on me? Let me guess this straight. Women are just supposed to willy-nilly just believe everything a stranger says without doing some leg work?
This is one great thing about the internet. Sigh.
What ironically led me to do this search on him was yet another internet guy I've met. This one CLAIMS to be a retired Canadian Mountie Special Forces retired agent. CLAIMS. Anyway, it was him who told me to be this cautious with this cat to begin with. So, for that, I'm grateful.
Stay tuned. There's more men lurking in the internet shadows.
Faithfully,
The Detective Dater
